Lists!
by Lady Samantha Riddle
Summary: Hermione writes a number of lists about Snape since her 3rd year. She sends them to him for x-mas. r&r please! cookies will be given!
1. Default Chapter

Title: Lists!

Written by; Samantha Riddle

Disclaimer; I own nothing. JKR owns it all…I'm just taking the characters out for a spin

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"Is it just me or do I have an obsession with Snape?" Hermione asked her younger, redheaded best friend.

"You're obsessed,'' Ginny laughed, "What kind of list did you come up with this time?"

" 'What Would Make The Student Body Die If They Saw Snape Wear It', catchy, no?" Hermione glanced over her list. It looked a bit like this:

**WHAT WOULD MAKE THE STUDENT BODY DIE IF THEY SAW SNAPE WEAR IT**

1. A RABBIT SUIT

2. A SPEDO

3. A BALLET TUTU

4. JEANS AND A T-SHIRT

5. ABSOLUTLY NOTHING AT ALL

6. A FIG LEAF

7. A TOWEL

8. A BALL GOWN

9. WOMEN'S UNDERWEAR

10. DEATH EATER ROBES

"Yeah, that could kill someone," Ginny commented. "Why are you so obsessed with him anyway?"

"No clue,'' Hermione tucked the list away with the others, "maybe I want to shag him or something."

"Didn't you have a list of places where to shag Snape?"

"Haha, yeah.' Hermione giggled and blushed, "you think I should send these to him for Christmas?"

"If you want to kill him, die, or get hexed into oblivion, sure. Why not?"

"I'll do it! I really want to see that reaction." Hermione transfigured a few pieces of parchment into a box and started placing the lists in it. "So far, I have about nine hundred and sixty two lists of stuff about Snape. I wonder how he'll react."

'Your funeral, mate." Ginny patted Hermione's shoulder before leaving the library at Grimauld Place. Hermione snorted and started transfiguring parchment into wrapping paper and ribbons. After two hours of working on Snape's gift, she walked downstairs and placed it under the Christmas tree.

Two days later, the Order had its Christmas party and everyone, including Snape had to be there. Since Voldemort had been defeated three years prior, a year after the Golden Trio had graduated from Hogwarts, everything had been relaxed and o one had any worries. It was nearing midnight and Albus had decided everyone should open their gifts. Hermione eyed Severus as he opened her gift. He had a puzzled look on his face when he read the top parchment.

"Miss Granger, thank you for the gift, may I have a word with you in the kitchen, please?" he said in a sickeningly sweet voice. Hermione grinned and flounced into the kitchen only to be flanked by the dreaded potions professor. "What is the meaning of this?"

"It's only a few lists I have come up with since I was thirteen." She looked at him innocently. "I thought I'd finally give them to you." He grumbled and ordered her to sit next to him as he read the parchments. All of them.

It was one o'clock in the morning when he finished reading them. A look of absolute shock on his face when he regarded the girl that wrote them. The lists had been in chronological order, oldest first. When he got to the last list, there where only two things on it and no title. The two items were:

Give Snape the lists

Do what is in lists 750 to 961

"Miss Granger," he just stared at her, "how? Why?"

"Shut up," she got out of her chair and pushed the table back a little and straddled her former professor. She kissed him roughly on his lips and forced her tongue into his mouth. Severus's hands automatically went to her hips and pulled he closer as she reciprocated the kiss. "Happy Christmas, Professor"

They immediately went to go number two on list number nine hundred and sixty two.

The End

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A/N: obviously a one-shot fic. I was bored and this just popped into my head. Lol. No, I don't know what's on these lists, but I thought it would be funny to see what you guys would think of the list idea. Lol. Since one of the rules is "NO LISTS" I'm bending it. Not breaking it. I only had one list with a story. Lol. Oh yeah it works. REVIEW PLEASE!

Much love,

Samantha Riddle


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Lists #2

By: Samantha Riddle

Disclaimer: I don't own hp, only the plot. Thnx.

Severus slammed a stack of parchment on the table in front of Hermione. She looked up at him in confusion. He signed, "Reciprocation from last Christmas, deary." With a sweeps of his volumous robes, he left her gaping at him. Hermione growled and picked up the first parchment.

"How To Get Granger Laid." She muttered to herself, "Oh, very touching Snape." She snorted and continued to read through the lists he made within only a few months. Her eyes widened as she read the last one. "How To Make Granger Scream My Name Like A Banshee!" she slammed the lists down on the table and walked into the library. "Severus Snape! I'm going to kick your arse!"

"Why? Whatever have I done?" he stared at her with mock innocence.

"You. Are. A. Despicable. Man. I. Hate. You. So. Much!" she stormed out of the room after making a rude hand gesture. Snape chuckled in amusement.

"Don't ever piss off a Snape, young lady. You will not like the outcome." Severus got up to check on his lover as she started throwing things in the den. "Oh, darling, I don't think Mrs. Black likes having people throw things in her house."

"Buggeroff Snape!" she threw a heavy book at him of which he nearly dodged. He didn't think the lists would make her that angry. He dodged several more items and a fist before capturing her and kissing her roughly. She struggled against him then finally let him take possession of her.

"Are you finished with your tantrum?" he drawled after he broke the kiss. Hermione's glare was pure venom and she promptly kneed him in the groin.

"Don't piss off a Granger, you won't like the out come." She whispered in his ear before apparating out of the house.

FIN---

A/N: hahahaaa I bet you didn't expect that! Muwahahahaaa. This is dedicated to RyanKathrynCelia because (she?) asked for a sequel. Lol. Well..Yeah. It's dumb but damn funny. Lol. Not cute at all. Just pure funny hell ness… oh, and this one was inspired by my friend and her boyfriend. The original Lists was my friend made a bunch of lists for like 3 years and she gave them to this guy she liked for Christmas and then a few months after they started going out, he did the same and she blew up at him and beat him up. I daresay he deserved it. I mean, c'mon, would you want your boyfriend to make a list of how to make you scream his name like a banshee? I wouldn't, I'd kill my baby if he ever did such a thing. Oh well review,

Much love,

Samantha


	3. Chapter 3

"Um…Hermione?" Severus peaked into the room when all heard was silence for the past hour. "Dearest, is everything all right?"

"Shh! You'll wake her," Hermione stared fondly at her raven haired daughter. "I've been watching her sleep again."

"When she gets older, she'll hate you for that," Severus came to stand behind her and put his hands on her shoulders and gazed at the sleeping child.

"I know, but for now I just want to watch her. you know, to keep my baby in my heart." Severus nodded and silently motioned for Hermione to come with him.

"I have something for you, love." He handed her a piece of parchment.

"Oh no, not another one!" she giggled softly, "It's been seven years, and we're still doing this. What's this one about?"

"Read it and find out."

"What To Say I'm Sorry For Since I Gave Her That Last List Seven Years Ago." Hermione clutched her side while she laughed and dropped her head on her husband's shoulder. "I knew you'd never forget that one."

"especially since the last bit on that list was…"

"don't you dare finish that sentence, we have a sleeping child in the other room." Hermione glared at him, but her smile took the menacing edge off it, "I think it would tramatize a four-year-old if she saw her parents making out. Haha."

"still with that language of yours! Gods almighty, teenagers!"

"I'm twenty-five, thank you very much, and you act no better either. Still writing me lists!"

"you return them all the same," Severus kissed her forehead. "we're just a couple of stubborn kids, eh?"

"yeah, I think we are." Hermione caressed Severus's face and kissed him softly. She ran her tongue on his bottom lip and deepened the kiss. They stayed like that for the rest of the night. The list fell to the floor behind them and there are many lists to come. But that will have to wait until after the happily ever after.

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**COMPLETE!**

Last chapter! Yesha! does happy dance someone(im too lazy to check who asked me) wanted to know why Mione was mad at Severus for the list entitled "How To Make Granger Scream My Name Like A Banshee", well in my personal own beliefs, I would kick my boyfriend's ass if he even thought about doing something like compiling a list of what would make me scream and not in the "eeek! It's a spider" scream. So, if you still don't get it, she's mad cuz he's being overly perverted in the bad sense and she over-reacted b/c I think at the time she mighta been pregnant. shrugs dunna know, use your imagination. REVIEW PLEASE!

_**DOMO ARIGATŌ!**_

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**_much love,  
Samantha_**


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